Sit down and write. Butt in chair, words on page. Just write something - anything - every day. We all know these mantras, right? This is classic, stalwart, trustworthy advice. But most new writers ask, "how?"
I'm not a new writer. But I've had some setbacks the past few years in my health and my energy level was barely enough to function at the minimum level of my life; nothing left for creativity. I was unable to maintain many practices: Social events, exercise, walking, summer lake swimming, reading, writing, attending conferences and classes of any kind, teaching classes of any kind, housework, etc. I didn't even realize how much I'd eliminated from my life until this summer, when my iron levels are finally starting to rise above chronic deficiency.
Iron deficient anemia and the ensuing lethargy and low energy was my main obstacle to writing. I couldn't stay awake long enough to even think clearly. I'm better, still improving (I expect to hit my prime iron level target in 15 months, which is November 2020), but feeling foggy as hell whenever I sit down to write, still. I sit, like now, and wonder where my notes are, which project I should work on, and how to get back to where I was in the revision process on now four-year-old works. I also have a couple of important projects I am editing and assisting other writers with, and one joint project that needs attention.
Is it a case of the shoulds? I "should" be writing, I "should" be editing, I "should" be submitting...
Perhaps. There is something to the idea that we often self-sabotage and talk ourselves out of even the most rewarding aspects of life. Shoulds are things we worry about, avoid, don't want to do, don't feel able to do, feel overwhelmed by, feel guilty about, think we need to do, feel expected to do by others, or otherwise get weighted down by. This burden weighs on us, limiting our happiness and ability to be in the moment. And Lightness, Being in the Moment (Presence), and Feeling Free are all needed to be creative, open, exploratory, and productive.
Here is a list of things I do (and plan to do) to get out from under the weight of the Shoulds:
- Make a List. Write it down, write it down, write it down. This is my go-to advice for most problems! (I am a writer, after all...) Today, the first thing I did after sitting down to write (and thinking all those foggy thoughts) is pull out my notebook and a pen. I write down all the things I "Should" be doing - working on memoir, editing book, writing query letters, researching topics, submitting shorts and poems - and write about the feelings I have about those things. Is anxiety a feeling? I mostly feel that. And guilt, for how much time has passed without progress. I also feel a physical lump in the pit of my stomach. And a rush and a push to get going! Those feelings are actually stopping me from doing the items on my list.
So, you make the list. Everything. I should walk every day. I should cook more at home. I should go visit my parents. I should call my relatives. I should cancel my subscription to a magazine I don't read. I should save money. I should get that tooth implant. I should figure out to build my brand. I should finish organizing that spare room. I should buy shelves. I should practice my foreign language skills. I should clean out my car. - Breathe.
- Take a deep breath in. Fill your lungs, stretch your rib cage open, relax your shoulders. Breathe out, letting all the worry float away with your breath.
- Breathe in, feel the air flow into your head, neck, back, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers... breathe out and let them all relax. The air flows through your body like a river, cleansing.
- Breathe in, down your spine, through your hips, thighs, knees, legs, and feet...breathe out and let your feet sink into the floor.
- Picture your invisible roots, like a tree, spreading into the earth deep below, and let the little knots, anxieties, worries, negative thoughts, etc. flow out into the ground, away from you. The deep elements of the earth will recycle unwanted energy.
- The roots draw clear, clean, nourishing energy up into your body, like a tree or plant draws energy up through the roots. Picture this flow of energy. Breathe. Feel grounded.
- Go Back to the List. No write down why you should do each thing.
I should clean out my car because I'll get better gas mileage, it's safer, and it won't be bothering me each time someone else gets in my car.
I should work on my memoir because I want to get it published.
I should work on the editing because I told that writer I would do it.
I should get the tooth implant because my bite could go wrong in time without it.
I should buy shelves and finish organizing so that I can have more room to do art and stuff.
Dig deep; find the origins of those shoulds.
...to do art and stuff... because I am an artist that is frustrated by a lack of working space and easy access to art supplies. I want to be more creatively productive. - Questions to ask yourself about the list items:
1. Is this something you want/need to do for yourself or is it someone else's expectation? (i.e. I "should" get up every morning by 9 AM... because that's what society expects adults to do. (not good reason for me!)
2. Is your should-item realistic or based on unattainable ideals?
For example, if you are always on a diet to lose that last ten pounds, are you keeping yourself from enjoying food, social activities, certain clothes or trips or events? What will that "perfect" weight or clothing size really get you? Or your housework - do you never invite guests over because your home is not magazine-perfect? Is it relatively clean and functional? Isn't that what's important? If not, what is? Why?
- Take time to reflect on these answers. Use these list items and responses as journal prompts, exploring further the ideas of goals and priorities, influence and self-image.
Shoulds often mask deeper fears and resistance to change. If we should do something, and we know it, why aren't we? Is it time for a change in your life that you are reluctant to make? Why? Are you afraid of failure? Of not being perfect? Of not being good enough? Of not having anything to look forward to in the future if you accomplish your "someday" goals? - Shift your focus. Rewrite your list, substituting the phrase "If I really wanted to, I could..." for every "should". This change from guilt-ridden "I should" to the positive possibility of "I could" opens us up to what we really want and what we are capable of.
- Creating a path forward: How do these new sentences make you feel? Is it clear which ones you actually do want to do, and which ones you don't?
Ask yourself these questions: - What truly matters to me right now?
- Who has done what I want to do successfully? Who are my role models? Whose advice do I trust?
- How do I want to live my life? What are my core values? What makes life worth living?
- Will striving towards these goals bring about the changes I want to see in my life? In the world? How will achieving these goals make my life and/or the world a better place?
- Are there other ways to achieve these goals? Have I considered all my options? Have I left room for the unknown and unexpected? Sometimes help comes from strangers, answers come in leaps and bounds, and we don't always know the outcome of our actions. Be open.
